When I was young, I knew I wanted a family of my own. As I grew, that dream never changed. Instead, I added other wants to my list which made me wonder when a family would be possible for me. I wanted to be a doctor which meant at least four years of undergraduate studies, four years of medical school, and several years of residency. If I wanted to specialize, it meant even more time in a fellowship. I know plenty of people who had kids during various stages in their medical careers, but I questioned if I could handle that kind of stress and be a great parent. In addition, I wanted to be a young mom. One of those dreams would have to go.
Fortunately, I never had to make the decision because I didn’t go to medical school; you can read about it here.
After four years of undergraduate studies, I married my college sweetheart and we began barreling through life. We graduated in May, got married in July, moved to a brand new city, and went on our honeymoon. When we returned, my hubby started his new job and I began looking for one of my own. By August, I’d found a job and started pretending to be an adult. I was 22 and time flew by faster than a speeding bullet. In my mind, it was time to get on with my dreams! My young husband, who likes order and careful planning, was not so sure I was thinking clearly and talked me into waiting a bit longer. Five years later, we welcomed Hannah into our lives.
When Hannah arrived, I was drunk with love and grateful for the blessing of this beautiful, perfect little being. I was in a euphoric state of pure bliss. And, the painkillers and round-the-clock nursery care were amazing! How could having a baby be so easy? As I’m sure you know or have guessed, the glass shattered somewhere around a week later. I’d been home 24/7 with this tiny human that wanted to eat constantly, pooped and spit-up incessantly, and had her days and nights mixed up. On top of that, I was trying to figure out how to care for myself while being the best mommy possible. During labor, I tore AND had an episiotomy. This resulted in pep talks before going to the bathroom and a bottle of Dermoplast that became my best friend. I also barely slept. I was exhausted and in pain but determined to make it work. During middle-of-the-night feedings, I sat watching CMT music videos knowing that it would be at least an hour before I could go back to bed. I looked at that sweet little face and said, “I love you, but GET BACK IN MY BELLY!”
Needless to say, we couldn’t put the genie back in the bottle and we slowly adjusted to our new lifestyle. She grew and hit milestone after milestone. We watched her little personality develop and marveled at how such a tiny person could have so much spirit. Our lives had been turned upside down but we loved her so much and we began planning for baby number two.
My second pregnancy flew by with unprecedented speed. Where I found myself willing the days to pass with baby number one, I willed the days to slow with the second. Nevertheless, Alex arrived before we knew it.
Once again, we marveled at this new baby. He was beautiful and perfect, just like Hannah. He had a mild temperament, was content and easy most of the time, and Hannah loved him. Our family was complete and we were grateful for the blessings we’d been given.
It has been over a decade since we first began our family and the amount of change we’ve endured in such a time is staggering. Change is one of the only things we can count on in life, yet it happens much more rapidly than I remember it happening in my childhood. While kids are very resilient, I believe much of the increased fear and anxiety they experience nowadays has to do with the rapid changes in technology and information sharing. The internet and its resources have been game changers for great causes and personal growth, however, it’s no secret that social media has been the cause of much turmoil for many people- adults and kids alike. Now, more than ever, it’s important to keep our families close and tuned to the same mission of loving one another and those around us. That means A LOT of hard work and dedication on the part of us parents.
Creating a Family Culture
As young parents, we deemed our days successful if we all ended up in bed safely with full bellies. Over time, we gained some footing and became more familiar with routines. At some point, I realized we had to start shaping these tiny humans into good, productive members of society. I live in the camp that you can never begin too early, so I started looking for books to give me ideas.
The first book I read that really made an impression is called “The Entitlement Trap: How to Rescue Your Child with a New Family System of Choosing, Earning, and Ownership” by Richard and Linda Eyre. I was intrigued! It outlined a plan for teaching kids a sense of ownership, responsibility, and self-sufficiency through a “family economy.” The family economy encompasses earning, owning, and saving money and possessions. In addition, the Eyres also described creating a culture within your home. This included the implementation of a “roots” story (origination story of your family), family traditions, family infrastructure, weekly family meetings, family laws/rules, family mission statements, and a family “secret code” for communication. WOW! My mind was blown.
I wasn’t excited about everything suggested in the book. My kids weren’t old enough for all suggestions either, so I picked a few I felt applied to our current situation. We could always build on or change the plan later. We started with:
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- Weekly Family Meetings
- Family Laws/Rules
- Chore Chart
- Family Economy
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I bought some supplies and got busy! On July 30, 2017, we had our very first family meeting and introduced the kids to the plan. We set Sunday as our meeting day and promised that there would be snacks- they were sold! Over the course of a few weeks, we introduced different parts of our new family culture. The kids were quite young but loved the interaction and sense of autonomy they gained from being included in the meetings.
We’ve been building our family culture for over five years now and are still going strong. We aren’t perfect by a long shot, but our kids know who they are, whose they are, and where they belong. We’ve done our best to set a strong foundation for them. It hasn’t always been easy, but we know it’s worth it.
